


Put a Little Love on Me

by elounarry



Category: Fruits Basket
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Basically just filling in the blanks for what the manga didn't cover, Character Study, F/M, One-Sided Attraction, Some canon divergence but not a ton
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:33:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22073323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elounarry/pseuds/elounarry
Summary: Shigure pushes buttons for all the wrong reasons, ones Mayu did her best to let slide off her shoulder. Until he presses the button she didn't know she had and ends up in a relationship with him. It's doesn't have along shelf life, she knows, but she tells herself it's good for her. She struggles with the fact that she can't say the same for Kana and watches the downward spiral it takes. All she can do is watch, and live with the memories.
Relationships: Hinted Shiraki Mayuko/Sohma Hatori, One-Sided Shiraki Mayuko/Sohma Hatori, Shiraki Mayuko/Sohma Hatori, Shiraki Mayuko/Sohma Shigure, Sohma Hatori/Sohma Kana
Comments: 4
Kudos: 30





	Put a Little Love on Me

**Author's Note:**

> This was for the [furubasecretsanta](https://www.furubasecretsanta.tumblr.com) on tumblr but decided to put it here as well since I'm pretty proud of this!
> 
> Title of the song from Niall Horan's Put a Little Love on Me

Mayu decides from the very beginning that she’s not going to put too much stock in someone like Shigure. She decides this as her eyes meet his and he cocks his head to the side, a slight bend to his waist as he bows. There’s a slant to his smile and a turn to his chin that displays a small portion of the underside. She grabs onto her will to not visibly sneer at the insincerity in his posture and snarky expression, his hip now cocked with his hand placed on it. Kana had given Mayu what she can now see was a sugar coated, pillowed warning of Shigure’s nature, one that raised an eyebrow but didn’t think it was anything that would get the best of her. 

It doesn’t take long for him to challenge that. She catches on quick enough to Shigure and how he speaks to others. He likes to stick in subtle pokes at people—a comment about their opinion or about their personality right in front of their face, but to some disguised enough to be overlooked. She calls him out on it, one of the few who doesn’t let Shigure get away with saying whatever he pleases, Hatori surprisingly complicit with his comments, and their other friend Ayame too much of a lover of chaos to stop it. 

Even then, sometimes she is bitterly reminded of his lack of boundaries.

“Ah, Mayu-chan.” They sit outside of Kana’s house. It’s late in the evening, the slow stagnant heat of the day bleeding into a comfortable cool. They each have a lit cigarette in their mouth, the soft orange of the embers rising and falling with each inhale. “How do you feel about love?”

Mayu raises an eyebrow, the question fitting oddly between them. 

“Love? Like between partners and family? Friends?” She asks.

“Sure,” Shigure says. “Anyway you want to view it.”

Mayu blinks down at the cigarette in her hands. As she’s beginning to find out, love is complicated in all its facets. Her mother’s dogmatic whining about needing to find a husband was out of love, for love, but her nerves could only take so much and the question loomed over her head. It was all too persistent when her mother asked for her help at the bookstore, which was often during the summer months. She endured it, though, believing helping her mother was more important than her comfort on the matter. Meeting Kana gave her another sense of love, feeling protective and affection for someone who she wanted the best for. She found a friend who she melded with on the same level. They had the same drive and looked for the fun and absurd where they could. She always figured one day they would meet a man, but it was never going to be a problem. Not like this anyway…

“Regardless, I think it can be powerful. It makes you the happiest you’ve ever been, like a high that doesn’t fade. But it can also make you the most miserable you’ve ever been, or the most jealous, the most mad. All of that stems from love, even it’s hurtful.”

“Astute observation, Mayu-chan.” Shigure looks pleased with himself for some reason. “I completely agree with you. Love does make you do foolish things for its sake. How about for yourself?”

“What about myself?” Mayu’s finger flicks at the burning cigarette in repeated motions. Talking about foolish feelings of love stirs a suppressed, more recent emotion that conflicted within her, thoughts acerbic as they rallied back and forth. The want to be selfish and the resulting guilt didn’t settle well and only served to polarize her already disquiet thoughts. Stuffing that feeling into nothingness had become habit, but she can’t say it’s benefited the level of love she has for herself. Not when looking at Kana and Hatori felt like a searing knife in her chest, her fantasies her only reprieve.

Shigure never responds, letting her sort through her thoughts, seemingly unaware of her inner turmoil. She snubs out her cigarette in the ashtray placed between them. Shigure’s continues to hang off his lip, arms crossed comfortably as the silence stretched on. He breaks it.

“You should love yourself.” He injects. “What’s the point of any of this,” he gestures with arms, “if we can’t love ourselves. What a sad life.”

“That can’t be helped. Not everyone’s dealt the same cards.” Mayu says. She wishes she’d brought out her whole pack of cigarettes. “How someone views themselves is objective. Whether it’s based on life experience or you just think of yourself that way. It’s not always easy to pinpoint and sometimes you need someone else pointing things out for you.”

“So do you love yourself?”

“Yes, I do.”

She responds quickly enough even she believes her answer for a second. Shigure just ends up humming in response. “How is such a thoughtful woman such as yourself unable to find a man? Surely men ask you out.”

It’s not what she expects. The scoff Mayu releases resembles more of hack, turning to Shigure in incredulity.

“Mm what? I’m just saying. You have the brains, looks. Your frame is slight, but that can be overlooked.”

A rapid burst of heat rises to Mayu’s face, mortified and livid at the same time. “Yeah, because you have such a great personality yourself.” With a huff she stands from her sitting position on the _engawa_ and steps towards the closed _shoji_.

“I never said I wanted a great personality,” Shigure says. It takes all of Mayu’s will power not to open and slam the _shoji_ shut with all her might. Kana’s house doesn’t deserve her ire. Shigure certainly does, but his tactless comment had taken any words from her mouth without regret, leaving her running away from him. What a bastard. Talking and having an actual conversation had put Shigure in a more thoughtful light, one she wondered if he just hid away until he felt like revealing it, then promptly shattered the illusion by making some wayward dig at her body and single status. His rottenness could peel paint.

She walks into the kitchen where Kana and Hatori are bent over a cookbook, both with their sleeves rolled up and wearing aprons. It’s a cute sight to see them corresponding over how to make dinner, but there’s always a twinge of longing that comes with it.

Hatori sees her first, nodding his head in greeting. “Shigure still out there?”

Mayu tries not rolling her eyes, having for a single second forgotten about that guy and his unhinged mouth. “Oh, yeah.”

“Oh. Did he say something?” Hatori asks. Kana’s attention is on her now too, smiling and curious at the same time. Both of their eyes are on her, willing her to admit what they already know based on her response and the look on her face. But for a brief moment she forgets about Kana and focuses on Hatori and his attention on her. He never looks at her fully when Kana’s in the room, too blinded by his love for her. His attention leaves her warm and wanting, desperate for those veiled covered eyes to see her as more than an accessory to Kana. She realizes she’s just staring and forces out a laugh.

“He just thinks he’s a funny guy. I don’t agree.”

Hatori momentarily looks regretful. “I apologize about him. He doesn’t know when to stop.”

“Don’t worry about it. You can’t control everything about him. He’s manageable.”

“I hope so. He won’t get away with upsetting you, not with me.” Kana says with the wave of a wooden spatula.

Mayu smiles. “Ah thanks. I know I can count on you.”

Ayame soon shows up, late to the time they set for everyone to arrive. Shigure comes through the kitchen walking and greeting everyone as if he hadn’t just embarrassed Mayu. Shigure and Kana follow Ayame to the main room, leaving Hatori and Mayu to themselves.

“Honestly, did he say anything to truly upset you?”

Mayu takes him in, wearing slacks and a button up with that stupid apron. It’s probably the most relaxed she’s seen him in the few months she’s gotten to know and understand him. His genuine concern is almost surprising to her, as if she’s already made up her mind what his reserved and quiet nature meant about him. Everything about him felt like a breath of fresh air, a calm that settled over her before she even knew what it meant. But now it’s become clearer to her in the last ten minutes just how deep she really is, and ignoring it doesn’t make her feel any better about herself.

She crosses her arms and sighs. “He just needs to be put in his place. As if I’d let someone like that think they have a one up on me.”

Hatori responds with an amused “ah”.

“I have to ask though.” She lowers her voice. “Why are friends with him? You know how he acts, you don’t seem to like it, yet you do everything with those two. Is there something you see that I don’t?” It’s harsh, she knows this and sees it in the dual raise of Hatori’s eyebrows. He contemplates the questions for a short moment before responding. He too crosses his arms then leans against the counter.

“I guess you could say circumstances, with our families being so close. And despite how he is with other people he doesn’t treat Ayame and myself the same way. I could try and keep him more in line but that doesn’t matter much to him.”

“Hm.” Mayu agrees. The conversation is over when Kana steps into the kitchen, apologizing for walking away when she’s supposed to be helping with dinner. The rest of the evening goes smoothly. What happened with Shigure isn’t forgotten, but she doesn’t let it interfere with the rest of the night, Shigure also tame and uncombative. Maybe it had to do with talking to Hatori one on one, having given herself just a slice of what it was like to be the full center of his attention. The guilt is more palpable now.

\--

Summer turns into fall, which turns into winter. Finals have been a dreaded and all-consuming thought that almost drove Mayu to rip all her hair out. She only had a until spring of next year until she obtained her degree and could finally say it was all worth it. But she hadn’t reached that stage yet and standing in line for coffee was the only thing that kept her going in the time being.

She doesn’t care much for the winter months, finding no redeeming qualities in the biting cold and shortened hours of light. It seemed no matter the time of day her energy drained before she could get started, the kotatsu more welcoming than any invitation out to eat. But classes called, coercing her out of bed and dressed in whatever she pulled from her laundry, hair sloppily pulled into a high pony-tail. She’s not the paragon of messy-cute, however that works, but it’s enough to get her through the day.

“Mayu-chan, is that you?” She turns before she registers who said her name, but it’s too late and Shigure stands in front of her, his own cup of hot liquid held in a gloved hand.

“Oh. Shigure-” Mayu starts.

“Let’s wait ‘til you’ve ordered,” he says briskly then walks towards an empty table, mind made up with a wordless invite following him. If she weren’t in public she would’ve groaned her displeasure of running into him. She entertains him though and heads to his table once she has her drink, sitting down stiffly in her mild irritation.

“It’s been awhile Mayu-chan. Even Kana-chan says you’re not available lately.” Shigure starts conversing, sounding and acting like old friends. She pauses for a moment. She decides to answer honestly.

“I’m just trying to get through classes. With finals coming up I haven’t put much time towards anything other than studying. I feel like my head’s gonna burst.”

“Is that what the coffee’s for?” He nods towards her still hot coffee.

“It’s the only thing keeping me going some days.”

“That’s not healthy, you know.”

Mayu huffs. “If you can find any other alternative, I’m all ears.”

“Put down the books and go to bed. Nothing beats a good night’s sleep.” Shigure’s smile is too pure and aloof, unaware of the inexhaustible pressures of classes and thesis’ and the spiraling self-doubt that accompanied it all. She doesn’t know if he’s had any formal higher education, but the apathy is apparent.

“I can’t just not study.” She says.

“Of course you still study. But is it really worth it when you’ve ran yourself into the ground?” Mayu studies his face. She can’t decide if he has an angle with his sudden advice, or if he’s making a genuine attempt to help her improve her daily life. It’s not unlike Shigure to say whatever pleases himself at the expense of others, manipulating their feelings to get his desired reaction. She wouldn’t dare exclude herself from that list of people.

“I don’t know. I’m just trying to get through this anyway I can.” She ends up saying.

“Well, why don’t I act as a distraction, a way to get you to put down the books and relax for a bit,” he states as if he planned to use this line on her. Mayu’s laugh doesn’t have much humor in it, disbelief a more prominent tone.

“Like hang out as friends?” She says, almost mocking him.

“Go out with me.”

Mayu jerks in surprise, eyes wide at the left-side comment. “Like dating?”

“Like dating.” He doesn’t follow up right away, waiting a moment to gauge her reaction, she guesses. “I mean, with Kana and Hatori together, that makes him unavailable to you.”

She conceals her expression to not show her surprise at the statement. She doesn’t bother with a response either. If he already knows there’s no denying it, but that doesn’t make it any less humiliating to be called out like that. Shigure only continues to smile as he waits for her response to his novel idea, and she wants to wipe it off his face. But she looks him in his eyes. She doesn’t see Hatori in them. They’re two completely different people with contrasting personalities and different standards of life. One of them has a girlfriend who happens to be her best friend. The other is sitting with her at a café, listening to her school woes and even offering her advice. She wants to say the answer is obvious and that a cold stone “no” is going to be the first thing out of her mouth. Instead, it’s “sure”. She’s not confident in her response, but Shigure doesn’t seem to mind and only looks more pleased that she’s agreed to it. Mayu doesn’t know what she’s getting herself into, but after Shigure and her part ways with a wave goodbye, she’s not sure if she’s making the right decision.

\--

It’s easier being with Shigure than she expected. He doesn’t start arguments over benign disagreements, doesn’t demand her time and attention all day, and he’s, so far, pulled his punches where he used to run his mouth despite the backlash. Kana, Hatori, and Ayame are the only ones they’ve told so far, Shigure’s “Some times it’s more dangerous not to,” hanging over her head like some ominous foreboding. She doesn’t bother telling her mother, feeling only slightly guilty when she brings up the dreaded topic of marriage and Mayu acts as though her life hasn’t changed in the slightest. She even forgets she’s dating Shigure herself with his presence feeling more like a ghost, tethered but unreachable. Cold even. She doesn’t try and explain his actions away or make excuses for him, that’s a rabbit hole she doesn’t want to fall into. All they really do is show up for each other and make conversation. No spark, no keen interest in the other. Just two people being in the presence of each other to make up for another absence. At least, that’s why she agreed to this at all really, she tells herself. 

Some days are lonelier than others, Shigure not a reliable presence when she feels she needs it most. Requests to see him are on his time, not hers, and she puts up with it, telling herself this never started out with intent, just a mutually beneficial relationship. She hasn’t worked out how just yet as she’s still unsure of what Shigure wants out if their time together. Helping with her studies was too weak of an excuse and not something that helped with her studies at all. When she’d asked once, he stated he had been bored. She thinks she should’ve been more offended by his patronizing words, but her intentions weren’t exactly honest herself, stress and desperation her own motivator. She goes back and forth in her mind if he has another lover on the side, undecided if he’s the kind of person to do that. She still doesn’t know.

One thing she finds herself being surprised about is his total lack of initiating any physical intimacy. A guy like Shigure she expected him to pull some suave moves on her to woo her into his bed, but any presumed opportunity that presented itself went untouched. She’s tried to rationalize to herself that he wasn’t attracted to smaller frames, his last comment on her body coming bitterly to mind.

Kana’s birthday is a catalyst for those feelings. It’s a weekend and Mayu expects herself to drink in celebration, not giving up alcohol entirely despite her long stint of sobriety for the sake of her grades. She made those mistakes early on.

It must be that the planets had aligned and aimed in their direction, giving Mayu the energy to laugh and sync up with everyone in the group. Shigure and Ayame tone down their usual antics with Hatori peeking out of his usually hard shell. Alcohol helps him loosen up, gradually becoming more flushed and vibrant as his speech opens the door to his other side. It’s endearing to Mayu, to see someone so outwardly impassive and not show any explicit emotion be reverted to a soul that doesn’t look burdened by their life, like he’s someone who actually sees the joy in what’s around them. Through it all, it spikes her adrenaline and forces a soft rouge to her face, making her more aware and susceptible to Shigure’s heat that’s next to her. He’s had enough to drink himself, being the sole reason any of them were this fucked up as he kept pulling bottle after bottle of sake out with no regard to limits.

Her, Shigure, and Ayame leave for the night, stumbling their way through town and to the metro, laughing at anything and everything. It’s as if she’s forgotten manners and everything her father and mother have dug into her head, the sound of her voice echoing off the walls and tunnels of the station far more entertaining than keeping quiet. Shigure and Ayame guffaw absurdly, causing her to join in without a care to the uneasy stares they receive.

They drop Ayame off with a theatrical goodbye between him and Shigure and walk back to her place with intent in mind, the heat only rising in her, forcing her legs into each step over the undulating sidewalk. Shigure keeps a steady pace beside her, neither straying nor meandering into her path. Her vision weaves and stutters, managing to hold herself upright all the way up until she reaches her door. It takes a few stabs of her key for it slide into the bolt, clicking as it unlocks. She turns and holds Shigure’s gaze, hoping he can see what she’s presenting for him, the open door an encouraging invitation.

“Come in.”

Silence stretches as Shigure stands unmoving, hands in his pocket. Mayu can’t tell if the alcohol’s making it hard to process what she said or if he truly is standing there with no intention of coming inside, posture his rejection.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why’s it not a good idea?”

“We’ve drank quite a lot. It wouldn’t be right.”

“For who? You?” She snorts. Shigure doesn’t smile.

“Look,” Mayu feels the floor shift under her as if on a pendulum going back and forth. “I’m a grown woman, and if it’s my honor you’re so worried about—don’t. I don’t need to be treated or looked at like some delicate flower who can’t make her own decisions. I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t want to.”

Shigure does smile at that. “I certainly don’t view you as a delicate flower. Delicate flowers don’t make drunken commands on their doorstep.”

“Then why?” Mayu doesn’t register his backhanded comment. “You don’t touch me. You don’t kiss me. I know you said you were bored, but how fucking bored are you?!” She doesn’t mean to spill it all at once. Insecurities of past combine with present, forcing her built-up thoughts out into the open. She’s brushed it off over and over, started making excuses and kept going about her day, but the clear dismissal hits her open and festering nerves. Sure, the alcohol is a boost, but her emotions are real, her thoughts are real, and the words that came out of her mouth are real. Shigure has the gull to look surprised at her outburst, as if she was going to continue staying silent on the subject, letting it slide like she has over the course of their time together.

Shigure’s head lulls up and to the side, revealing glassy and wandering eyes. “I think if that’s how you feel we—”

“No!”

Shigure startles.

“No! You don’t get to say that! You don’t get to be the one who does it. I’m doing it right now, we’re breaking up!”

All that’s heard are the distant cars driving on the street below them. Shigure’s eyes are still wide with his jaw unhinged, a look she’s going to revel in for the rest of her life. A shiver runs through him that brings him back to a more neutral expression.

“I was going to say I should go home and we can talk in the morning.”

Mayu shakes her head. Of course he was going to suggest that, of course he would make her feel like the irrational one. It doesn’t matter. Whatever was going on between them was nothing, and is nothing. In reality, he served no purpose to her, never went out of his way for her and never displayed any sort of romantic affection. Desperation may have driven her to this moment, but she realizes now the increasing disappointment she felt as time went on was only driving her to latch on to Shigure more, dreading having to acknowledge the parts of her that have been rejected.

She doesn’t fault Kana or Hatori for how things worked out between them, she still cares for them deeply, but she can fault Shigure for suggesting this while her guard was down. Feeling inferior, turns out, allows people like him to seep into their cracks and nestle there, leaving no room for healing. She’s surer now than she’s felt before. She’s glad she’s drunk.

“I meant what I said. I’m done.”

Shigure just nods his head like he’s agreeing where to go for dinner. “Alright then. Have a good night, Mayu-chan.” He walks away. She doesn’t bother watching him go.

\--

Besides the hangover the day after breaking up with Shigure, the days following are smooth and dreamlike, waking up without the doubt and increasing anxiety over a relationship that never cared about her. Kana’s called to see if she’s okay, trying to get out of Mayu why she bothered with him in the first place. Her response of “just wanted to try it out” is lackluster even if slightly true. But her switch has been flipped and it takes her being away from Shigure to see how much her desperation allowed her to wallow in her self-pity and make excuses for herself.

Mayu doesn’t see Shigure for some time, going to classes and seeing her parents, not bothering for half a second to look in the direction of another man. She’s sure at this point she would just bite his head off and feed his headless corpse into a garbage compactor. Maybe just Shigure’s.

All of that changes when Kana gets sick.

With cheekbones sunken in, pallor splashing across her face, eyes empty and cracked with red lines, Kana’s entire being looks worn out and rattled. The Sohma family head, Hatori’s eye, Kana’s guilt over what she couldn’t control has manifested itself through possession of Kana’s mind, bringing her to her knees and restricting her outlook. Mayu’s heart only breaks for her, sitting delicately by her side unsure of what else to say or do, all her words and actions preceding having no effect. She tells herself, and Kana, that it just takes time, although she thinks it more often than says it as a way to keep herself grounded every time Kana breaks into another bout of tears. Guilt starts to settle in when she starts excusing herself early, needing fresh air and distancing herself from everything. She can’t begin to understand what Kana’s going through, and she wouldn’t even scratch the surface to understand the Sohmas and how their family head is protected after doing what they did.

Mayu doesn’t see Hatori during any of this. It doesn’t feel appropriate to engage with him in any manner that would cause him upset in regard to Kana. He’s going through this as much as Kana is, and more.

Mayu continues checking on Kana, until one day she walks in and Kana is out of bed. She looks exhausted, the emotional turmoil having taken an obvious toll on her body, but she’s upright and moving about and then she smiles at Mayu. Mayu smiles back, catching a glimpse of the old Kana she’s known for so long now. Then Kana opens her mouth and everything she says, everything she emotes contradicts what she went through. She talks about Hatori formally, like they didn’t spend the last several months spending every waking moment together. She’s stunned into silence, doesn’t comment on it or try and deny anything. It’s all too fresh and sending Kana back to how she was before would wipe all this progress away. Mayu’s unsure how she got here, considering maybe Kana blocked the memories out as a way to save her soul. Mayu leaves feeling confused and uncertain of this new approach Kana has taken. She’s not going to school to become a psychologist, but she knows this can’t be beneficial for her health, despite Kana’s sure smiles and optimism of returning to full health. Something’s not right.

“Mayu-chan.”

Mayu looks up to see Shigure standing only several meters in front of her. She hadn’t seen him as she walked out of the Sohma estate, her drunken break up proclamation the last time she saw him at all. She doesn’t get a sense of needing to feel proud and march by him with her head held high, too drawn in with clouded thoughts to care about any of that.

“Visiting Kana?” He asks.

Mayu swallows. “Yeah.”

“And?”

“She’s forgotten. Everything. Like it never happened, and Hatori-san was only her boss. I don’t get it…” She trials off, nearing despondent. It’s nearing the end of February and it’s still frigid and stale outside, breath appearing between them.

“Hmm. That is peculiar.” His expression betrays him through his words. It doesn’t seem at all peculiar to him. He tries to excuse himself and continue his way back to the Sohma estate but Mayu blocks his way.

“What do you know?” She demands.

Shigure doesn’t appear bothered. “I don’t know anything. People don’t normally just forget things. That’s why it’s odd.” He tries to move again; she continues blocking him. Now he’s starting to look irritated with a slight slant to his eyes.

“If you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to get back to the main estate.” He says, terse.

“Not until you tell me what happened. You know.” Mayu stares him down, Shigure maintaining a strong front. It takes a moment until Shigure scans their surroundings then gestures for her to follow him. It surprises her that he caves, expecting him to ditch her without any answers, leaving her severely unsatisfied and frustrated. They had been by the entrance of the Sohma estate and watchfully step out into the open public.

Shigure looks more serious than she’s ever seen him. “Mayu-chan. Not everything can go as planned, or as wanted. There are some things meant to be kept as secrets, never for anyone else’s eyes. Sometimes those secrets get out and those involved are to never let those secrets be known. There’s a tradition within the Sohma where certain individuals are selected and trained in a type of hypnosis. It’s memory suppression, a way to put those secrets to the back of the mind. It’s never truly forgotten, but it’s harder to remember. After everything, Kana couldn’t handle having those memories and chose to have them suppressed. She no longer remembers Hatori as a partner, only as a colleague.” After he finishes, Mayu’s mouth flutters for something to say but nothing ever comes out, caught up in wrapping her mind around Kana choosing to forget everything, no longer wanting to live with those memories.

She gathers her composure and finds her voice. “Thanks.” She has no other words for what he’s told her, turning and walking away, her default mode switching on and taking her back to her place. 

\--

Mayu roots herself to her studies over the next couple of weeks, finals and graduation just around the corner, and simultaneously using it as a proper distraction from her meltdown not too long ago. What Shigure had said shook her more to her core than she could put into words. Two people who suffered from a tragic incident, and one chose to forget while the other was left with those memories and the knowledge that the other forgot. It makes her heart heavy in her chest, the burden of the fallout almost too much to bear as she looked back to Kana being sick, and then not. She didn’t mean to break down in front of Kana the way she did, curling into herself and being comforted by the person who indirectly pushed Mayu to that point. She’s not mad, never could she be mad, but putting distance between herself and the black hole that constantly threatens to pull her in helps ease her anxiety.

Mayu still hasn’t seen or spoken to Hatori. She misses him and his calming presence, his pleated pants and pristine button ups, his baritone voice that carries over her, lulling her right where she wants to be. It becomes increasingly clear to her that her only connection with Hatori was through Kana, the one median they had. She only ever got to know him as a friend, and as much as she dreamed about more, knew it was never meant to be that. 

When she’s home and not occupied by anything she always manages to end up with him in her thoughts, wishing him well and hoping that he heals. It’s all she can do. Kana’s bounced back, finding another doctor’s office to work for and retelling happy memories that make them both smile. Kana will be fine, but Mayu will never know about Hatori and if he was able to find a light spot in all the darkness he had to go through. She wonders if it follows him the way it’s followed Mayu, where her mind projects images through her dreams, or she sees their forms from behind in strangers, causing her to shake her head and push the illusions away. She finds her emotional involvement lingers to the side, ready to strike where it fancies.

But time goes on and Kana’s there to celebrate with her at her graduation ceremony, diploma in hand, parents pouring their praise for her. She thinks about it less as she gets situated with her job at Kaibara High, still seeing Kana a few times a month to catch up, only feeling a small sting when Kana mentions other men she’s interested in. She never mentions her conversation with Shigure to anyone, feeling it’s in everyone’s best interests to keep it to herself. The Sohma’s are an anomaly, her opinion only becoming exacerbated when she ends up with two of them in her class, reintroducing Shigure back into her life by association and bringing her experiences full circle. 

It’s a hard pill to swallow acknowledging what happened in years passed while still maintaining a front of being put together and unbothered. There’s a small part of her that holds out for seeing Hatori at some point and seeing who he’s become since she knew his past self.

All it takes is one summer, and one glance, and it’s as if time hasn’t passed.


End file.
